Friday, January 6, 2017

The Joy of Pregnancy, Poisoned

     I am sure you know what a serial killer is. I'm sure you're familiar with names such as Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy. Could you name a few female serial killers? Like the butch Aileen Wournos of whom a movie was made about but I have not yet seen. Or the three blonde members of the "Manson Family" convicted of the murder the very pregnant Sharon Tate.
     The feminist within says that these women (and the Manson trio I cannot name off the bat) are not what people think of when people hear "serial killer" because women just aren't scary. A woman beating her male significant other? "Bullshit," or "the guy is just a pussy." However, I must inform you that this simply is not true. Women are perhaps more dangerous because most may view them as less of a threat. I have found that I am more comfortable passing a woman on the street at night as opposed to a man. There are good reasons for this; one could say that a man's testosterone is the culprit for a more direct and aggressive attack. Women, however, should not be viewed as harmless.
     The women I mentioned murdered in direct and violent ways, rather unusual as the most common way for a female serial killer is the use of poison. I find this to be quite frightening. Like the grotesque murderer appearing during a sex scene in an 80's slasher flick, just coming into your personal, pleasurable experience and doing the unthinkable. Something about a woman who you loved enough to marry, whom you spent a few happy moments with, would serve you a cup of coffee, a nondescript dinner, or even your favorite dessert with a dash of cyanide makes my head spin with disgust. How anyone could weasel into someone's life, gain their trust and kill them, especially in a way that is usually seen as an act of caring is the ultimate mindfuck to me.
     My father devalues human and animal life. As does his wife. They are both narcissists with psychotic tendencies. I could write many an essay about the instances in which they have tortured and killed their pets. Or how the way that they speak callously of a nephew's death and try to get others to also- as if he had been disposable.
     Recently my mother told me, through the unrestraint of alcohol, that my father had tried to convince her to commit suicide whilst pregnant with one of my siblings.
     I had known that he had choked her while she was pregnant. I knew that he had held a pan of burning vodka over her head. He had slapped her so hard it sent her to the ground and caused permanent damage to her neck.
     I had known all of that.
     He, like many malicious people in the world, had manipulated and weaseled his way through the world, charming strangers and hurting those nearest to them.
     I had already known he was a horrible person. But... how does someone poison their loved one's minds with encouraged thoughts of suicide? While pregnant?
     To me, there is no clearer definition of evil.